58 Things I am Not Allowed to do in the Dreamscape
by ICanFly-OUCH-NoICan't
Summary: "Right!," Cobb said, early one morning. "Thing's have been getting ridiculous around here recently. I have decided to be the mature adult and lay down some ground rules! I spent all night working on these, so obey them! Or I wont pay you!"


We don't own a thing, sadly. Although we would much love to own *hint hint* Nolan... that doesn't make sense... oh well

**58 Things I'm not Allowed to do in the Dreamscape:**

**::::::::::::::::**

"Right!," Cobb said, early one morning. "Thing's have been getting ridiculous around here recently. I have decided to be the mature adult and lay down some ground rules! I spent all night working on these, so obey them! Or I wont pay you!"

He slapped a piece of paper down on the table and stalked off.

::::::

The paper read:

1. I am not allowed to ask to see Fischer's mask

2. I not allowed to dream bigger than Eames (its impossible, don't even try)

3. I must not ask Arthur for more specificity

4. I am not allowed to make fake train noises behind Cobb's back

5. I must not change the kick music to "My Milkshake Brings All the Boys to the Yard" ... again

6. I am not allowed to say to amateurs "when you die in dream you wake up in reality"

7. Then ask them what happens when they die in reality (you die stupid, that's why its called _reality")_

_8. _I must not make amusing comments about Saito and his carpet. Only you and Eames find it funny

9. Ditto Yusuf and his cat (who has been named Jeffery)

10. I must never prod projections just to see what happens

11. I must never lock Arthur and Eames in a cupboard to see if hot gay sex occurs...T

12. his also applies to Eames and anybody else...

13. ... there doesn't even need to be a third party involved

14. Actually just don't lock Eames into cupboards... no matter how tempting it is.

15. I must not mess about with peoples totemsI am not allowed to announce a 'Hug an Arthur day'

16. I am not allowed to do the limbo, it makes people nervous

17. I am not allowed to tag the word 'bitch' every time Arthur says the word 'paradox'

18. I must always remember to pee before going under.

19. I must not pretend that I am Eames forging myself

20. ...and I must not use it to flirt with everyone

21. Miles name is not 'Alfred' and he is _not_ your butler

22. Eames' first name is not 'Bob' not matter how handsome he is

23. I must not call Cobb 'Romeo', 'Frank' or 'Jack'

24. I am not allowed to use the PASIV device to explore sexual fantasy's (yes this is aimed at you, Eames)

25. I must not change the kick music to Ke$ha's "Tik Tok"

26. (On the same note) Cobb doesn't appreciate waking up feeling like P. Diddy

27. Fischer doesn't appreciate having a cloth bag over his head, so don't put one there!

28. **Never **ask Cobb what time the next train will arrive

29. I must never refer to the team as the 'Dream Team'...

30. The members are not: the Grumpy one, the money, the flirt, the mad scientist, the adorable one and the chick.

31. I must not create an anti-gravity dream level for recreational purposes

32. Eames did it... Whatever it was

33. I will not start naked Wednesday's in the warehouse

34. I must not impersonate the Teletubbies in the dream world...

35. Or fireman Sam characters (even if they are Welsh)

36. ... or any children's TV characters in general

37. I am not allowed to use dreams to recreate my favourite scenes in films

38. Fischer is not secretly Irish

39. SO STOP ASKING HIM TO TALK IN AN IRISH ACCENT (he's actually quite scared of you right now...)

40. Trying to make Cobb squint is not a game

41. Ariadne... Cecil is not your caterpillar, Cecil is not your friend

42. I will not change the kick song to "The Time Warp"

43. I will not use the dreamscape to practice killing people in amusing and creative ways

44. ...Especially you, Arthur

45. I will not persuade Eames to forge Mal

46. Or Voldemort

47. I must not use the dreamscape to go to candy mountain

48. Mal is not in this for teh lolz

49. I will not change the kick song to "I've got a song that will get on you nerves"

50. Eames is not allowed to give sexual favours...

51. I must not play the gay bar song whilst Arthur and Eames are in close proximity... again

52. I am not allowed to ask Cobb how he survived freezing to death

53. Eames is not allowed to hit on every female in close proximity

54. ... or male

55. ... or inanimate object

56. I am not allowed to hum The Imperial March every time Mal appears in Cobbs dream

57. Arthur is not allowed to burn Eames clothes, not matter how awfully matched they are... however he is allowed to take him shopping

58. I am not allowed to change the kick song to "Friday" by Rebecca Black

:::::

The team shared a look and got on with their work quietly. Needless to say the rules only lasted for a couple of days. Both Eames and Arthur weren't paid for this particular job after being found in a comprising position in Yusuf's store cupboard.

**End**

**:)**


End file.
